Alliterative words this time
from paterson_si 

Sensibility:
This is one of those words I've never really understood the meaning of. So this one is a bit of a learning experience. So, dictionary.com says:

1.	capacity for sensation or feeling; responsiveness or susceptibility to sensory stimuli.

2.	mental susceptibility or responsiveness; quickness and acuteness of apprehension or feeling.

So, these are the two that resonate with me. They tie in with the "observant" that I wrote about yesterday. I tend to be aware of the cues around me, how people stand or look or act. (unless it involves judging someone being attracted to me, then I'm completely clueless) I tend to pick up on cues people give off and work to cultivate it to know how the people around me feel.
And I also feel pretty deeply myself. In the words of Bette Midler in Beaches "CC Bloom is a deeply feeling person. CC Bloom feels things. Deeply"  I believe that we need to feel, we need to go into those emotional states and understand them, experience them. As honestly as we can.
There aren't many that can bullsh*t me.

Sensitivity:
When I was younger, I was so vulnerable to other people's disapproval or emotional violence. I was the freak, the outsider. And I grew up in a smaller city in a somewhat redneck province in the seventies. I took sh*t for my weight, my perceived "gay"ness. I had epithets thrown at me in the streets from strangers. And every bit of it went right through me and I "knew" that deep down it was because of me, my failings, my flaws.

And then one night, walking home from work, they crossed the line from verbal violence to physical. And once the bruises healed, I held my head high. From that moment on, I got strong. It wasn't me, it was them, and they were beneath my notice. No one ever hurled epithets at me ever again. It also may have been instrumental in creating what my friend, Gordon, calls the "Dammit Mask"  i.e. "I'm going to dress the way I want, dammit."  "I'm my own person and I'll do as I please, dammit" Which, in it's way, was another form of defense, and aggressive, f*ck you to the world, that masked pain, and built a wall. But, in it's way, it helped me survive the cancer too, to shore up the defenses and keep it at bay.

Sensuality:
I am super touchy feely. I am all about hugs and kisses and contact. I love colours and smells and tastes. The more the better. No beige walls or elevator music for me. As Robert Heinlein said "The flavour of life is best enjoyed when one takes big bites. Moderation is for monks"  I love the feel of sun on my skin. Of music that stirs my soul. Of art that resonates within my heart.
I love dark chocolate and wine and the shine of acrylic paint fresh from the tube. I love the sound of a lover's breath in his sleep, the vibration of his heartbeat against my ear. I love shadows stretching across the floor as the sun goes down and fills a room with orange/red light. The feel of someone's hand on mine. Even the random touch of a stranger's thigh against mine on a crowded streetcar.
We are made of sensation. It's what our bodies are designed to do. Revel in it.

Sexuality:
I struggled with my sexuality for about five years. I had sex for the first time when I was fifteen (perfect Kinsey six here) and kept on for the next five years, swearing every time that it was phase I would grow out of. The actual coming out was completely anticlimactic.
It was an ongoing battle/exploration for me. I experienced my sexuality, but it took a long time to realize that often it was a substitute for the intimacy that was missing.
The society I grew up in has always been conflicted about sexuality. It is used to sell us everything from cars to lightbulbs, but we can be perceived as dirty sluts if we act on it and enjoy it ourselves. My eyes have been opened in the last while, and I'm in a better place in terms of knowing how I feel and what I want and what needs I expect it to fulfill in my life.
I believe that if we are honest about what we want, then our sexuality is beautiful and is a wonderful thing to share. By the same token though, I dislike venues like bathhouses, because to me, they reduce sexuality to the equivalent of something one could get from a vending machine and, for me, that doesn't work. Sex should be neither everything, nor nothing. I believe it is an important thing.

Sagacity:
Like wise yesterday, it's an honour to be thought of like this, though I'm not sure how sound my judgements or discernment really are. Certainly not where men are concerned.
But it's something I work at, and it dovetails in with everything else. I work at seeing and understanding the world around me and the people in it, and those perceptions, those sensibilities combine with any sensitivity I have and work with the thoughts in my mind and, hopefully, add up to some form of wisdom or sagacity.
Seeing as this concept has come up twice now, I may be doing something right. Which is nice to know.